Editor's Note: This is the second in a four part Mother's Day series written by 2013 Daystar alumna and Daystar U.S. scholarship recipient, Dorcas Koome. Part 1 can be found HERE.
Motherhood: The Place of Rest—Rest for the Soul
Words That Set Us Up for Success
I am learning to serve my family from a place of rest. Knowing I am not alone. I can boldly approach the throne of grace that I may obtain mercy and find grace to help in my time of need. I am continually yielding myself to the leadership of the Holy Spirit. We underestimate the help we need at our own peril. The arm of flesh will fail; we dare not trust our own.
I remember when I accidentally overdosed my daughter on Calpol (children's Tylenol in the U.S.) after the 6 weeks vaccination. It was the medicine meant to be a painkiller to ward off any fevers. I called my husband and explained everything. He was working out of town that time. I had decided to operate on the principle of truth since we got married. I wasn't going to lie to him about this. He who hides his sin will not prosper.
I called the pediatrician who told me to observe her for 10 minutes and see the progress. Those were too long to wait. I took the baby, told my nanny to accompany me to the children's hospital without divulging too much detail. At the waiting room, I was trying to be strong. Those were the longest minutes of my life. We didn't know the level of the painkiller in her blood. The nurses tried to locate a line in her blood vessels to no avail. She wept. I had to hold her through the entire process. As I held her I knew the truth - I had failed. As a human being. As a mother. How could I recover from the pain, the shame and the guilt? I couldn't envision that one day BRAVE will have to face the reality that she had been overdosed—by her mother.
The voice of the enemy told me as much. I broke down and wept. My heart was caving in. Who was I now? I remember receiving this text from a friend, and I believe He was used by God to remind me who God said I am, and how He saw me. It said in part, "you are the only mother BRAVE will ever have; you're the best mother she will have." Those were the words of God to a broken heart, a wounded soul. The words that set me up for success. I know that God used that moment to wake me to His intention for me in motherhood - to choose to listen to the voice of truth. There would be no other argument. No other pretensions. I was totally imperfect... but He chose me for the job. I had to do it but with His resources. We were admitted for 2 days for observation. The neonatal specialist came and by God's GRACE the baby was fine. God has a sense of humor… The neonatologist that came was our pediatrician! She didn't scold me (I expected it). She was very supportive. She encouraged me to keep showing up. (Side note neonatologists are very few in Kenya.)
My take-out from the experience was knowing am worthy as I have been chosen by the creator which gives me confidence to want to be the best mother to BRAVE. I also read and reread instructions on medication before I give it. I am a better person. I am a better mother. I know my worth in God. I find rest for my soul in God alone. And when fear or despair comes, I speak to my soul—literally. I actually have sticky notes all over the house to see the word of truth and remind myself. At the sink to see as we brush our teeth. In the bedroom. In the living room. I put the truth in front of my eyes using sticky notes on my walls before me. I speak to myself the truth of God's word. I preach to myself.
"You are your own preacher and occasionally you must say the kind of speech to yourself that enables you to be productive and accomplished." ~ Bishop T.D.Jakes
These words from the song Worthy by Cece Winans have literally become my words:
oh my soul
You have not been left alone
For He counted us worthy, so let’s be worthy
Just trust and know
You're strong enough to carry on
He counted us worthy, so let’s be worthy
The Power of Prayer
I pray by speaking God's promises to me back to Him. Many times I have held my daughter when it’s too tough and prayed over her and myself. I have seen miracles. Like when she couldn’t latch properly on the breast. Like when her appetite was so poor and her she was dropping her weight. In simple ways God reassured me that He was present and knew just what we needed at that moment. Burdens have been lifted off my shoulders – striving to be perfect in my strength is eliminated. I know am a victor because God didn't make me junk, He set me up for success by creating me in His likeness and image. Thus my daily choices must be a reflection of HIS glory. Even when I don't feel like showing up! When I would rather hide under my covers and hibernate.
Through sincere, relentless, continuous prayer as mothers, we are enabled to serve our families from a place of rest. I would love to assure any mom struggling that you will make it through the rough patches. There are some things only God can resolve. The personal struggles and battles that even if my husband could understand and wanted to help me but he would still be limited. Yes those! God understands. He is your father. He is your friend. He is willing and ready to help.
An advocate of hope, a wife, mother, lover of children, homemaking and photography - a child of God. Dorcas is married to Steve. Her passion is in speaking the heart of God to broken, wounded hearts all around shaped by low self-esteem, rejection and loss of identity. After overcoming a bout of depression and hopelessness, she decided to focus on encouraging and challenging single and married women to find their worth in God and keep showing up knowing that even behind the perceived or real closed doors, God is always working to fulfill the good plans He has for them, His children. Dorcas is currently a Project Manager and PA to the CEO at Timeless Women of Wonder (TWOW), in Nairobi Kenya. She is an Alumni of Daystar University where her values of faith, courage and integrity were clarified and molded to transformative servant leadership, a journey she is still on.
She currently blogs at www.dorcaskoome.wordpress.com